im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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