the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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