cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we're so committed to being not committed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
