I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
