Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
