just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
