Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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