i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Too much gin, very little bucket
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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