yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
why is half of my head shaved?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
