i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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