Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
