On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
we're so committed to being not committed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
