as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need to align my fucking chakras
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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