Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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