PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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