try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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