I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
