$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
