just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize