Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize