She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
