I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
