No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!