wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
