Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
