You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
