woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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