You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
