Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
