i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
