I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
