The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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