It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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