I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
