My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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