perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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