My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
