in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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