well most of my day revolves around power hour
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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