So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
