Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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