Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
