I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
