Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
