He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
