Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
