well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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