well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
