What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
