you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
