I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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