i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
