he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
