She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
