she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
