Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
