no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
