Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
