also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
