Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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