In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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