i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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