Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
