Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
