Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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