i think my tv is drunk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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