There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
