There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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