In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
