mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
