Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
