I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
